i jhust puked up my retainher.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
