is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
