Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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