If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
