I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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