I'm so fucking centered right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
