Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
