I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
