he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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