hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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