I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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