She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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