Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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