is your mom at the bar?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
