I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
