remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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