his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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