Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
