honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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