you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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