I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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