Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
