I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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