This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
