remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
