After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
