You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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