I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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