also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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