fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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