Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
