It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
