So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have already put on my inside pants.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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