I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
