that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
