dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
