I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
