The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
