Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
