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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
