I want to walk on stilts...naked
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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