it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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