tell your sister to shave her snatch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
