but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
