If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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