Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
