I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
