I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
