remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
