If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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