Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
